I expected the process of buying the first car I ever bought from a dealership to go smoothly. They guaranteed that if I could just get my last car to the dealership for the trade-in they would take it, no matter what condition it was in, and put a small amount towards the new car. Unfortunately it died on the way. Like in the middle of the highway. That was part of the reason we were getting rid of it!

I had to call them and make sure that if it was towed there we could still be eligible for the trade in. I arrived there a few hours later than planned and feeling a little less grand, but excited to get a car. Little did I know this would give me some crucial lessons for how to approach the topic of Marriage!

We felt wined and dined, by which I mean it felt good to be checking out vans that were actually equipped with all of the door handles. The sales rep did a great job of convincing us that we were in a really good place, based on our finances and the quality of the cars. When we finally settled on one he praised it and let us know in no uncertain terms that we were buying a winner. If you asked me right at that moment I would have been convinced this car would not need any work for at least the next 2 years.

The next step was to the finance department where we were going to discuss the terms of our loan and sign all the papers. Just before that, the finance guy sat us down and told us about the warranty on the car. Warranty? This car is amazing. Who needs a warranty? He told us about how easily the breaks could go out and how the electric door could malfunction. “That alone would cost you $2500”. It was quite the jarring experience to go from a near guarantee to an assumption of imminent mechanical failure!

And that brings us to Marriage! Who is not excited to hear someone is engaged? We are all about feeling happy for others, and conveying how awesome we think this is going to be. There seems to be no good time to pull the couple aside and say something like “Hey, I truly am so excited for you, but I just want you to know Harry and Sally looked this happy when they got engaged too! We all know how that worked out!” In our attempt to “sell the product” of marriage are we not doing them a disservice by not also sharing the warranty? Are we not setting them up to be shocked and terrified when they get into their first fight? 

The good news is that there are some great warranties for marriage. One of them is spending the time to learn what to expect so you’re not shocked, how to act in tense moments and how to show up as the best version of yourself. Communication, listening skills, empathy. These are some great warranties that can be very helpful and fairly simple to learn, but one can not expect to just seamlessly jump into a marriage without some basic training. If you or someone you know is getting married, or recently married, please share with them the comfort they can have going into that marriage feeling well equipped for success!