Are you allowed to be honest??

Are you allowed to be honest with yourself?

This study is going to blow your mind! A researcher was trying to figure out how a positive relationship with colleagues would affect the number of mistakes made in a medical setting. Her theory was that the better the rapport between everyone on the team, the fewer medical mistakes would be made. This seems pretty reasonable since positive rapport can lead to great communication and that kind of communication can logically lead to better understanding and less mistakes

She went ahead and inserted all the data into her computer system. She was pretty sure that her work of the last few months would confirm her pretty simple theory. But she was absolutely shocked to find the opposite! She almost had a panic attack and assumed that she had somehow inserted the data with a mistake, but after thoroughly doing it again she saw the conclusions were accurate.

What a strange outcome! How could it be that people working together who have low levels of friendship and rapport could have BETTER communication?

After doing some deeper research she realized what in retrospect should be so obvious- this was all based on self reports. The people who were working with a group that accepted them and felt comfortable, were actually honest about their mistakes. They were not terrified that a medical error would cause them to be fired, punished harshly, insulted or snickered at. Those who were in a less comfortable social environment didn’t make any fewer errors (they probably made more), they just did not report any of them. Why would you report your errors if the consequences for your professional career could be dire?

Maybe this resonates with you in your own work environment, but this is certainly not limited to your profession. My guess would be that most relationships follow a similar trajectory. The more you are accepted, regardless of how well you did, the more likely you are to be honest with the other person.

But let’s take this one step further. Do you accept yourself when you make a mistake? How harsh are you on yourself if something goes wrong? What kind of shame does your mind make you suffer through after a less than stellar performance? 

Well, guess what? I know what you’re thinking- this harshness will ensure that I do a better job next time! 

However I think there is something else at stake. The most basic question about your relationship with yourself is- Are you  allowed to be honest with yourself? If you are welcoming of your own imperfection, understanding of your mistakes, accepting of your flaws and faults, you are likely to stay within this reality. You can try to improve and slowly be better. But if your relationship with yourself does not have a kind and soft nature to it, you are likely to develop a protective shell around you that just denies any of your mistakes. You will just become dishonest with yourself and actually be convinced that you never make any mistakes. The consequences are that you will subconsciously avoid people for fear of them exposing your true nature and you will feel a deep distance from yourself. 

Self compassion is a basic prerequisite to any relationship with yourself. It gives you permission to be honest despite your imperfection. Give yourself that permission and you will find yourself much happier and connected with yourself!